Lost

Kaylin

My eyes fluttered open. There was still a strong smell of iron lingering in the air. As I looked around, there was not a single living soul in sight. Only the recently dead greeted me. That I would have to see this sight once more must have been the cruel joke of a sick god. A shudder ran down my back. It was time to get out of here. Once I get back to Windbreak, I would never leave again.

Standing up, I stretched my back, exhaustion still deep within my bones. 

What was it they had wanted to do with us? Why were they in Inas? I shook my head, those questions were not for me to answer. Taking a few steps away from the cages, something was glinting between the piles of bodies. Turning, I saw the origin of the light coming from between Tepin’s armor. A pang of guilt ran through me. Could I have saved her? What then? Would we have all died by the hand of the Ampyrians? It didn’t matter anymore. I stepped over the corpses, trying to avoid them. 

Each step made a wet sound as half-dried blood stuck to my boots. Curious about what had drawn my attention, I kneeled before her armor. When I picked it up, a small purple-blue ball fell out of Tepin’s clothing. Dropping the armor, I catched it before it could hit the wet ground. It was warm. I held it up before me to take a better look. Its surface was smooth, almost reflective. I could see a whirlpool of energy spinning within it. My eyes grew wide.

“A Soulcore? Could it really be?” A steady flow of mana flowed into it, creating a warm feeling between my fingers. Looking closer, I could see a thin layer surrounding the core, a mana-sphere. She had told me that her body was nothing more than a magical construct. Was Tepin still alive in there? But the madness should have… Wait, her body wasn’t real, it might be possible. The thought alone made my head spin. But this was no place to contemplate, I needed to leave this place soon. I decided to hold on to what was left of her armor. If she were still alive, she might still want it, despite its condition. 

Leaving the camp, fresh air greeted me as the needle trees closed around me. Hours passed, and the day grew old as a realization grew within me. I had not a single clue where I was. Kicking a stone, I screamed. How had I not thought of following the footprints? Great, now I am lost. Not knowing what to do with myself, I sat down on a fallen tree. 

“I belong in a library, not in the wilderness,” I yelled into the sky. 

Tepin

My consciousness floated through darkness, there was nothing but silence around me. There was still a part of me that feared what would come next. Nobody knew what happened after you left the world of the living behind you. What if this was already it? It felt like time stood still in the void. Trying to move yielded nothing, I tried to sense mana, nothing, I tried to see anything, NOTHING. This felt wrong. Was this truly what came after? The void surrounding me felt like it started to suffocate me. Once again, I attempted to move, but even if I moved, how would I know? Then, unexpectedly, a glowing wall of light rushed towards me. I broke through it as light, smell, and touch flooded my mind like a tsunami. What was happening? I was battered with visions of trees, dirt, and red eyes. The silence had been shattered like it had been nothing more than glass. The situation gave me a weird sense of déjà vu as I was thrown around within my own mind. Then I realized this was just the same as last time. Once more, I had to rein in control over my senses. Scared of what would await me outside, I kept my vision shut off. 

Why was I alive?

Was this like last time? Was there a new world awaiting me? I dared to hope maybe this had all been a bad dream and I would wake up in my laboratory again. Had I just fallen asleep at my desk? Or was this something else entirely? I opened my sight up to my surroundings.

A familiar forest was around me. I was lying in Kaylin’s lap, while she stared down at me. She was furrowing her brows, looking quite annoyed. 

My core went through a plethora of different hues of blue and purple. I didn’t know how to feel. I was angry that I was still in this cursed world. But disappointment flooded through me that this wasn’t my desk. This hadn’t been a dream. Yet I also felt relieved that this wasn’t another new world that would torment me. My mind was a whirlwind of chaos, but one feeling stood out. The relief that I was still alive. I thought I would be fine with leaving this world behind, but as it turned out, I was wrong. The void had scared me, something primal within me. I did not want to go back there. Bits of memories flooded my mind before I could continue thinking about my situation. The smell of iron reached me as visions of death presented themselves to me. My heart sank as I realized what I had done in what I thought would have been my final moments. The anger that I had felt back then had fueled my subconsciousness and directed it towards those who had attacked me. I could see no feel every death I had caused. But opposite to my own fear towards death, I found it difficult to feel bad for the deaths of people who were so cruel, killing so freely. 

That confused me; before, the very thought of taking a life had paralyzed me. Did I change so much in so little time? Tired of my chaotic thoughts, I let the outside world back in. I nearly jumped. Kaylin’s crimson eyes were boring a hole into me just centimeters away. 

Okay, I needed a body again right this second. I am refusing to deal with this without one. Kaylin’s eyes widened as I cast a quick wind spell to shoot away from her hands. With a soft thud, I landed on the fluffy mossy ground. Not wanting to wait, I activated the spell to rebuild my body. With little bolts of purple energy, glowing rota came alive around me. My core was lifted up as thousands of strings made from mana reformed my body around it. As my senses slid into their correct places, my eyes fluttered open. Before me was Kaylin, staring at me, mouth wide open. I shuddered; it hadn’t been for long this time, but the relief of having a body again was stronger than I had expected. Stretching myself, I looked down at myself, my spell had worked perfectly once again… again. My hands shot back down as I tried to cover myself. I was naked. My cheeks reddened as I looked around for something I could cover myself with. Nothing. There was nothing. In my panic, I hadn’t noticed that Kaylin had stepped towards me.

“H-here take this,” she said, holding out her long cape. I grabbed it out of her hands and quickly threw it around me. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked. Looking back up to her, I wondered. That was a good question. I hadn’t resolved anything. I wasn’t okay in any sense of the word, and probably wouldn’t be for a long time. Only one fitting word came to mind.

“Lost”, I pulled the cape tighter around me. “I don’t belong in this world. Yet it seems there is nowhere else for me to go.” 

“Then why not find your place?” She asked. 

“I don’t think I want to find a place in a world this violent,” I answered. 

“Do you really think that violence is the only thing defining Tendria? In the time you have been here, is that all you saw?” Her words made me think of Dust and Olgore. A surge of guilt rushed through me. I had thrown away the promise to meet them again when I gave in to the madness. They were proof that this world wasn’t just bad, and so was Kaylin. I shook my head. 

“No, you are right, there is not just violence in this world.” I looked at her; she could have just left me behind.

“Why did you take me with you?” 

“Your core, it felt alive, and with what you had told me, I could not have just left you there.” Maybe I had misjudged this world. 

“C-can I have a hug?” It wouldn’t fix me, but it would help. I looked towards her, hoping I hadn’t crossed a line. To my surprise, her one arm laid itself around me. I embraced her back as tears began flowing down my cheeks. 

“So that is still broken”, I said sniffling. 

“What is broken?” 

“My eyes.” 

“Ah.” 

“I am sorry.” I whispered. My words weren’t directed towards her. Those whom I wanted to reach were far away. I tightened my embrace as the stress of the past days fell off my shoulders.

“I should have never given up.”

“I-it’s okay,” she said, patting me on the back. For a while, we stood there like this, surrounded by trees, when Kaylin decided to break the silence between my sobs. 

“I am sorry, I know this is a difficult moment for you, but we do have a little problem.”
I unburied my face from her neck and looked at her. Tilting my head a bit. 

“I have not a single clue where we are. There isn’t a chance you might know?” She said, with an unsure grin. I looked around and then back at her. 

“Why would you think I know where we are? This is the first time outside Inas’Gate on my own.” I said as she pinched her nose. 

“Yeah, I figured as much.” 

“Couldn’t we just walk in one direction until we leave the forest?” I questioned, rubbing my eyes. Untangling myself from her, I took a few steps back.

“That could take days, but I also don’t know what else we could do,” she said. 

“I could make sure that we stay on a straight line using a spell,” I offered. There wasn’t much else I could contribute. 

“That would be a start, yes. I am quite sure that I have already started walking in circles.” 

“Directional spell it is!” Lifting my arm, I cast the simple spell. 

The air warmed as little strings of mana formed a translucent arrow before me. 

“Tepin, I picked up your armor, or well what was left of it.” Kaylin said, holding up the rags that were once my precious armor. 

“Thanks!” I said. It was still stained from my blood and riddled with holes. Who knows if it could still be repaired at this stage, but I would try! It was important to me. With a snip, I cast a quick cleaning spell. As it washed over the armor, the blood and dirt peeled off it and fell to the ground. It wouldn’t do much, but I decided to put it on anyway. Too bad she hadn’t taken my shoes with her, too. Barefoot it was. 

“Can I keep your cape for now, or at least until we manage to find a village?” I asked. 

“Of course you can.”

As the sun started to set again, we found ourselves walking through the forest. If not for the occasional chirp of a bird, silence accompanied us. 

“What do you think I could do from here on out?” I asked, breaking the silence between us. 

“You could come to Windbreak. It might be a bit rough without the money to pay for the tuition fees, but still. You could try the test needed to claim a scholarship.” 

“Why?” I asked. 

“Well, I am not going to lie, it is a bit of a selfish reason. I am curious what knowledge is hidden away in that head of yours,” she said, pointing at it. I grabbed her hand. 

“There is not much in there,” I moved her hand towards my chest. “I am here.” She chuckled.

“Couldn’t you make this world a better place with that knowledge?”

I fell silent. She was right, there were things I knew that could change Tendria. But was I the right person for this? I was thrown out of my thoughts when Kaylin grabbed me by my shoulder, shaking me. 

“Tepin look, a village!” Peeking up, I hadn’t noticed that we were standing at the edge of the forest at the top of a hill. Before us was a little village surrounded by a large hedge. Huh, a wall made of plants, now that was novel. Lights were already lit behind the windows of the houses, with some chimneys letting off smoke as people prepared dinner. To the right, I saw a larger building that had been broken in two, the hedge going right through it. I wonder what that was about.
Kaylin fell to her knees as she looked towards me. 

“We are going to sleep in proper beds tonight. And there are probably going to be baths too!”